To the girls who don’t know what it’s like to be someone’s first choice. To the girls who seem only good enough to have a fun time with, but never I want to spend the rest of my life with. To the girls who give their time and energy to people who do not reciprocate the same effort. To the girls who felt they were not good enough to be in a relationship with, but a perfect candidate for a situationship.
The story seems simple. Girl meets boy, boy meets girl. They meet, exchange numbers, go on dates, and then a relationship. Right? Not in my case, and maybe not yours either.
If you’re like me, you may not be the one to make the first move. I wish I had the confidence, but I don’t and with that being said, the people I’ve met have approached me first. Now, when someone tells me they’re interested in talking to me, getting to know me, I immediately feel a sense of warmth in my heart. In my head, step one to something more.
I talk to this person. Texts, Instagram DMs, Snapchat, anything to be able to really connect with them. I ask questions, they ask questions, seems like a really great start.
Then it’s the hanging out. I don’t think I’ve ever officially been on a date, at least not in a way that it has been verbally said, “this is a date”, so I’ll call it hanging out. In any scenario when it comes to hanging out, I have bent over backward for this person. Meeting any day, any time, for them my schedule was always open because I liked this person and I wanted them to like me. One thing leads to another and we kiss, you hold my hand, there is an intimate connection. Yet, my efforts never seemed enough.
Funny how everything stated above sounds like it would lead to an actual date, to an actual relationship, but for me, it never got there and I’ve lost count at the amount of times I’ve questioned myself and what I did wrong. Questioning why I was never that girl.
Here are the results.
My communication sucks. I was always too scared to tell these people what I wanted in fear that they would run in the opposite direction. And when I eventually got the courage to say, “I want a relationship”, their response was, “I like you, but I’m not ready for a relationship”. Ouch. Guess all that talking and hanging out was for nothing, huh?
Now the lessons.
Lesson number one. Don’t be scared. If you want a relationship, tell them that. Put all your cards on the table. Do not spend your time avoiding it because you will only dig yourself into a whole that will hurt to get yourself out of if you and this person don’t see eye to eye. Let them tell you what they think/want and then you decide what to do next with that information.
Now, if you get an answer like the one I got, you have a choice to make. Do you want to keep seeing this person who isn’t ready or do you want to meet someone who is? I know what you’re thinking, “what if I continue to give this person my time and attention, maybe they’ll be ready eventually”. There are no guarantees. You could continue to “talk” to this person and to “hang out” with this person, but if in the end you don’t get what you want, will you be okay? How long can you really be in this situation with this person for? Be honest with yourself. I wish that I was.
Lesson number two. Something to soothe the blow, you don’t need to cut this person from your life. Will it be better for you? Most likely. But if you choose not to, give yourself space from this person. Reality is, when you’re around this person, you have rose-colored glasses on, you only see and hear what you want. Give yourself the opportunity to separate yourself from the situation momentarily, you may see things more clearly.
Lesson number three. Think with your head, and not your other body parts. Yes, it feels great when someone you like texts you, kisses you, holds your hand, but if it has not been established a relationship, then I hate to say it, but it’s not a relationship. You’re two people who mutually like one another doing stuff. Friends with benefits. Do not settle for this title, if it’s not what you want.
Finally, the most important lesson of them all, do not settle for anything less than what you know you deserve. You deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you. You deserve to be with someone who is sure about you. You deserve to be someone who makes the effort to see you, to talk to you. You deserve to be more than a situations, you deserve a relationship.